Once upon a time a nice couple had three young children just bursting with life and energy. The couple stayed nice and busy having fun with these kids while building their homestead and dreams. They had a plan to garden, raise chickens, steadily make improvements and live free range and self sustaining. They had a list of repairs and improvements for their home, which was 80 years old and in need of updates, but they believed it was worth fixing, not replacing. The dad had never gardened before and was learning to do that while working on his favorite hobby, his autocross car. Mom was finally winning the battle to get out of debt (which they had incurred during bouts of unstable employment) and was on a personal journey to overcome her asthma and get more fit and participate in 5k races. The oldest child was starting a counseling journey to find the root of her behavior issues, the next was accepted to a free preschool that would lower their daycare bill and help accelerate the debt payoff. Dad had arranged for a contractor to take a look at a crack in the foundation so they could become eligible for a program to improve and weatherize the house.
Then one day their reliable birth control somehow failed and two pink lines came to visit, along with constant nausea and vomiting, exhaustion and oodles of projects that were left undone. Dads contractor friend got busy and didn't come, they passed the deadline for the home improvement program. Mom had trouble sticking to her grocery budget because she threw up their usual inexpensive meals. Dad hurt his shoulder at work, making it difficult to work his usual hours because he couldn't do his usual work. Mom considered her options. She couldn't continue her new running hobby. The garden fell behind. Their plans for home improvement were stalled, knowing mom couldn't travel the steep farmhouse stairs after a few months safely and they made new plans to arrange bedrooms differently. Mom kept her secret quiet because people get judge mental and rude about families with many kids- especially if they need help. She went over the list of options for unexpected pregnancy: abortion, adoption, keep it. The first was not an option, "harm none" is their religion. Adoption would be awkward to explain, and they really did want another child but the timing was not what they planned. Mom made a new plan to reapply for home improvements while on maternity leave, take some extra time off from her high stress job, and accomplish different things.
Then at her first appointment mom found out baby had no heartbeat, and would not result in a successful pregnancy. All her new plans fell apart. No applying for help with the house. No time off. No complete family and being done with baby clutter. So she focused on her old plans. Running, gardening what she could salvage, decluttering and cleaning the house, make some small improvements like planned and try to apply for that program again anyway. She was back on budget, decided to love her job again, and move on with her dreams.
Weeks later the final step began- her body finally realized the baby was with the Angels and moved on. But mom had plans, went for a run anyway, cleaned out the garage and the basement..... Until her uterus sent out a mayday: all the activity wouldn't let a clot settle to stop the bleeding..... And she found herself in the ER. Luckily no major complications, sent home with pain meds, but today mom learned that she is too tough. Too tough for her own good.
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